Diary of a Mad Japanese Woman

Dear Diary,

Today (actually yesterday...) I saw a movie called "Diary of a Mad Black Woman." My friend recommended it to me, and sure enough, it was good. I saw Tyler Perry on Oprah but I didn't understand what the big deal was until I saw the movie. It was hilarious. Tyler Perry plays 3 different characters in this movie, and he does an awesome job.

(I might spoil the movie for you, so if you haven't seen it, you might not want to read!)

My friend explained to me that this movie is about forgiveness. The main character gets screwed over big time by her husband, but when he goes through a near-death incident, she wonders if she's able to forgive him and help him out.

This movie made me think of my situation and my feelings toward my messy break-up. It's not just me, but some of my other friends, too. I don't think I'm quite ready to forgive. and I sure would never forget what happened. In the movie, people tell her to forgive the man for herself. Forgive him, and then forgive herself (yes the movie had a Christian theme to it).

I'm not ready to forgive, and I'm not sure if I ever want to. My anger has given me strength in a way, and it's helped me move on. However, perhaps that statement is right. I'm not ready to forgive him, and perhaps I haven't forgiven myself for the mistakes that I had made.

It's not just the anger that's lingering. There's all kinds of other emotions that still remain. My friend always tells me that I talk about my ex a lot. I think I still need more time to process.

The difference between this movie and my situation (and my friends') was that the husband apologizes to the wife. That was almost too good to be true, but isn't that what we all want in that kind of situation? If we could all just get that "I'm sorry," we'd feel so much better, and it would be so much easier to forgive. It would help so much if he could at least acknowledge my pain.

What's a person like myself supposed to do in this situation? I'm never going to get an apology. The best I could do, in my opinion, is to focus on myself rather than all that other stuff, and move on.

It would have been easier if I had a grandma like Madea :)