Mental Block

Sparred in TKD again. The instructor was there and I got to move around with him. I couldn't do anything against him :( I asked him what I need to work on, and he pointed out the following:

1. My kicks are fast but my take-off is slow. I can get away with it against weaker fighters but good ones can see what I'm going to do.

2. I need to control my distance better. Again, I can get away with not maintaining good distance against weaker opponents, but not against the better ones. He pretty much controlled the distance against me the whole time. He told me to work on it because it could help him as well.

3. I don't kick hard enough. He actually stood still and told me to kick as hard as I could and but he wasn't convinced (and no he's not 300lb). He thinks I hold back and he believes it's mental.

#3 bothered me. I have the same frickin' problem in pool. I tend to play poorly when I stroke too softly. I think it's getting better but I still need more power when it comes to certain shots.
Definitely need more on my breaks. People tell me it looks right when I do it but the power just isn't there and I'm probably holding back.

So what the hell am I afraid of? I've heard of people shattering the cue ball but that's never going to happen to with a small Asian like myself.

I think I'm afraid of losing control. It's ironic that I often hit too softly and therefore lose control of the cue ball as well as the object ball, resulting in missing the shot and/or bad shape. I think I hold back on kicking hard so that I can reposition my body rather than fully committing to the kick. I'm afraid that I'll be in a position where I will not be able to avoid a counter attack. In terms of pool...afraid of ...miscue? Tearing the cloth? ???? It's starting to look like an unreasonable fear.

It's so interesting how TKD and pool really exposes personalities. It's starting to look like I'm a control freak, though :( What do I do to get out of this situation?