Retirement

At the end of 2006, a famous ultimate fighter announced his retirement much to his fans' regret. He's still young and has been doing well enough to continue fighting. People might quit for different reasons, but I felt like I could relate to his feelings when he realized that it was time for him to retire. I'm no ultimate fighter, but I knew it's time.

I went to the sparring class this morning even though I was quite tired. I knew that I was not in my best condition, mentally and physically. My right knee was feeling stiff and only got a little better after warm-up. All I had in my mind was how hard of a workout we were about to have and how tired I'd have to be for the rest of the day. I could tell that I didn't really want to be there.

When you have these negative thoughts in your mind, it's gonna show one way or another. I wasn't focused and played around a lot. My instructor yelled (not really yell but you know what I mean) at me for this. I wasn't taking things seriously. I wasn't acting like a fighter. I don't think I ever really was a fighter, but I had more passion in the past. Lately, all I think about is how to not get hurt and save enough energy for the rest of the day/week.

Perhaps I was just having a bad day today. Perhaps I was overly emotional. but it hit me pretty hard and I was even in tears. How could I quit? It has been such a big part of my adult life. I'm no champion, but I know I'm decent at it.

I knew I wasn't just upset because I was yelled at. He was right about everything he said. I completely agree. That's why it's time for me to stop.

It's been getting harder and harder to fit it into my schedule. I tried going even if it's just once a week, but I can't even maintain my skills/stamina anymore. It's just a workout for me now, and even that's getting too difficult. Honestly I have no right to be there with my kind of attitude. White belts have better spirit than I do.

I came to the realization that I don't have the desire to continue doing this anymore. I enjoy Tae Kwon Do and I'm forever thankful for all the positive things it did for me. I used to be so out of shape that I couldn't walk around the malls without taking breaks. I was a skinny little person who had no confidence in anything. I am forever grateful for what Tae Kwon Do has done for me. I may quit going to classes, but I don't have to quit being a martial artist.

...Especially when I'm paid for the whole month! I'll give my two weeks notice :P