Forgettable

Last Friday was the high school graduation. There were two graduates this year instead of one. Many of the guests and the graduates made speeches thanking staff, teachers etc. etc. Come to think of it, I think staff got more credit than the teacher and principal which is kinda weird considering this was a high school graduation.

The smart people read down the list of names or didn't even mention individual names to make sure they didn't leave anyone out. Some had to wing it and call out people's names as they looked around the room. Some of these guys who weren't prepared and managed to skip some staff's names. One of them had the nerve to mention everyone's name but mine! His excuse? I look like one of the residents. Whatever.

This reminded me of my insercurities and made me wonder if I don't do enough to make a big impression on the kids. I've heard that many of them feel like they can't figure me out, and that I'm too proper, fake, etc. etc. They basically want to get to know me more but I tend to like keeping a certain distance with my clients.

I guess I have a hard time letting myself out in front of them. I hardly ever have the time to sit down and play games with them during interaction time. Even if I did, sometimes I don't know a lot of the games they play, like some card games, dominoes (I never grew up playing it so I have no idea how to play), etc. It's hard to play well on our 3ft. pool table and I can't kick the kids. All we strive for is a tiny bit of positive change and a small difference in their lives, but a litle recognition does help.

As I'm writing this I realized that I do have special connections with some of them. One of the kids kept telling me that he loves me (too much!!), and it just dawned on me that maybe he felt bad for me that my name wasn't mentioned. He was trying his best to make me feel better. He kept asking me to dance, but maybe it's because he thought that I was upset. I think this is all the recognition I need.